What kept me avidly reading Love Warrior, by Glennon Doyle Melton, was to find the source of her thinking as to why this book was making me queasy, even though it seemed filled with personal, universal and hard-won Truths. It’s like a Herkimer Diamond mine, where you can glimpse the promise of glittering, water-clear stones…but they are all encased in gray rock. The truth or wisdom has to be chipped out. Also, it seems Doyle Melton ended this book before it was finished. That is, once she’d identified the source of her behavior, her false beliefs, including lack of trust toward her husband…she didn’t let go those beliefs. She didn’t “unbecome” all the way to the Mental or God Level on the subject of her marriage. I found a sound byte to explain my unease on page 226:
“If we choose to introduce our true selves to anyone, we will get hurt.”
This is the exact lie that led Doyle Melton to become bulimic and alcoholic in the first place. This is the level confusion. It’s like she is back at square one. The True Self or God Self is on the Mental Level. God can never be hurt. What hurts is living in the False Self on the physical level swinging between two opposites, which is what the physical level is about: opposites…two sides of the bottom of a triangle (Triangle Process). Such as when Doyle Melton explains “sexy” (or pretty) to her daughter, and ends up defining Beauty for her. Beauty is top of triangle on the Mental Level — where there is no opposite and can never be ravaged by time. (God has no opposite.) On the physical level, there is definitely pretty and its opposite — it’s a value judgement — which is a big clue that God did not create the False Self and its painful peccadilloes. Only us “puzzle pieces” can take credit for It, when we split our minds between “good and evil.”
The author indicates that she takes in beauty — from the outside — to be beautiful on the inside. This is more level confusion. Beauty cannot come from the outside, physical world. A sunset is not beauty on the Mental Level. A pure, belief-free, non-judgmental mind is. We’re indeed creators; co-creating the world we see with our minds, from where true Beauty emanates.
Doyle Melton also eschews the False God of her Catholic upbringing. But then merely installs a new belief system of God from the other side of the triangle — of her own devising — in her children’s heads. As good parents…their biggest job is to protect children from all belief systems, including one’s very own, that interfere with faith in their True Self — which babies are born as already, and don’t need to be taught. Alas, it’s almost inevitable that a child be drawn into the physical — because we’re taught to look outward, not inward (see beauty discussion above) — where they notice their True Self is different and not always welcome or understood by all these False Selves surrounding them. Thus starts the making of the child’s own False Self in order to fit in. Freedom can never be gained by wanting approval and to fit in. This fitting in is when a child starts choosing to accept beliefs and parental projections. But it is a choice, compounded every day henceforth. It’s a choice to be in pain to avoid pain, which should be obvious is circular, childish thinking. But no one ever tells us how to escape this cycle…until now.
There are a couple of examples of choices the author made in the book that illustrate the tug-of-war between her False Self and her True Self. One is when the gray-haired lady chases after her telling Doyle Melton about a church she should go to near her home. Doyle Melton’s first response is, “Hell no.” But she capitulates and ends up joining the church because everyone is so loving and open. It would seem she made the right choice…except no. Now she’s aligned herself with a bunch of people and a minister who are saying all the right things, but that’s because they believe the opposite. It’s clear Doyle Melton’s discrimination has been turned off to the real message underneath the proclaiming of love, diversity, caring. How does she feel about herself a few days later after leaving church, I wonder? Bad about herself? Inadequate? Like she has to do more to help people? The False Self is all about the outwardness of doing. Unless the minister is Jesus himself, who spent His life dropping beliefs including the ultimate belief in death…this minister’s congregants are receiving his projections on the other side of his split mind: hate, racism, etc. If you’re not a racist, it doesn’t even enter your mind, and you have no emotion around it.
Same when Doyle Melton thinks three key people telling her “to breathe” is ridiculous. Her True Self confirming indeed she doesn’t need advice on breathing. But then she goes to a class conveniently located near her house for a breathing lesson from the belly. Now Doyle Melton has put the breathing instructor in a position of authority about something her True Self knows how to do just fine. A position that lets the instructor project upon her…and she has this incredible, spacey, out-of-body experience. This is a trap that’s opened the author up to some occult thought form, possibly picked up from the instructor. Which would have been easy to insert in the author because throughout the book, Doyle Melton is always leaving her body, e.g., during sex. This is a False Self trick to shut down her discrimination. She can’t watch inward, her mind and the emotions that are in the body, if she is floating above it. So she’s “open” to taking in all the projections from the people around her. This is where “openness” gets you.
Being a #1 New York Times Bestseller…. Becoming an Oprah darling…. Hanging with the cool kids like Liz Gilbert and Brené Brown…. A million followers on her blog…. All of these and more are only feeding and building Doyle Melton’s False Self into a giant Clone of a True Self. What a triumph Love Warrior is for It…now her False Self has even more numbers to bolster and prove that It is right. It’s right to break up her family. At heart, this book is about the dissolution of a family…and that is not a triumph.
This “Love Warrior; Book Review & Analysis,” is really a love letter to Glennon Doyle Melton to choose again. Choose her True Self, choose God, not her Clone. To follow the links in this post to freedom and “happily ever after.”
Now back to one more important level-confusion example: Doyle Melton separates Body, Spirit and Mind into a trinity (triangle). God is Mind. But she assumes God is “Spirit.” This really throws the triangle into a tailspin. A pure mind (no second-cause beliefs of judgement — no matter how kind and altruistic these judgements appear)…. A pure mind is God — which we arrive with on earth. We are a pure thought in the mind of God. Desire is our connection to God, when coming from our True Self. So with this trinity, Doyle Melton has put “Spirit” (still small voice or inspiration) at the top of the triangle. And pivots body (desire: food, sex, “paintbrush”) and mind (God) to the bottom of the triangle where they are now opposites left to fight it out…and could explain her bulimia. Spirit at the top is idolatry…because where is inspiration now coming from as detached from God? The False Self. Again, this means God and Desire, Mind and Body, are now perceived in the physical and therefore made false opposites. When it’s our holographic Creator Mind that creates our body and inspires desire (to create, to enjoy food, to have fun……). Sickness, addiction, old age — fear fear fear — are all the visible ravages of our incongruent and limiting beliefs. The body is a metaphor for our mind.
It seems as though Doyle Melton may have merely adopted a new and more masculine Warrior costume, which completely shuts out the possibility of True Self marriage partnership in which she is not playing a role. She seems to view marriage as her being in either the role of False Masculine (dictating the terms, taking control of her own life) or the Feminine (blindsided victim not taking responsibility for her own beliefs that then mirrored in her world).
In retrospect, I guess it’s not hard to predict that the author would divorce Craig (announced since publication of the book). Even though Doyle Melton says she does not want to play God anymore, she’d only stay in the marriage on her conditions — something her therapist no doubt had a hand in. Yet another “expert” projecting her own beliefs onto the author. I agree that no one ought to compromise or sacrifice their True Self for anyone under any circumstances even in marriage — but first you have to let all arising beliefs go to know if it’s your problem or your spouse’s. Are you reflecting them or are they reflecting you? Was Craig only reflecting beliefs of the author’s that she’d projected onto him in his cheating on her? Only letting go of beliefs will yield the answer. An emotionally sensitive person is someone who’s accepted a lot of false beliefs and projections…then often seeks those with the least beliefs to project upon to relieve their intense emotions…to include children and refugees. Although, Doyle Melton’s “canary” explanation for her sensitivity being caused by loving too much is poetic and almost convincing.
The divorce is a shame for the kids…but not for the woman who will reap the rewards of all the hard work Craig has done to save his marriage. The new wife will be getting a True Masculine. One who listens to his wife’’s point-of-view and learns and can change. One who can take the lead in the masculine, but who can also follow the lead of his wife, putting himself in the feminine, in order to be Co-Creators, depending on who has the clearest vision. (As they accomplished in the move to Florida.) A True Masculine is like the Sun, shining unconditional love on the person in the Feminine, so that s/he may reflect it, freeing her/him to create in its many guises (including in a dark closet). Which seems to be what Craig was doing all along, especially since the News…unconditionally loving. And what Doyle Melton’s been doing all along…creating. She discounts that Craig has a True God Self, too, which is all he asked her to recognize in the office where the News was delivered.
Doyle Melton couldn’t seem to get past thinking her emotions were telling her something was true. Emotions are God’s feedback system to tell us something is false…that erroneous thoughts need to be let go from our minds until we feel calm in our body (such as was achieved in the beach scene). Which is why it’s not always wise to listen to the “still, small voice” within. You never know if it’s coming from the False Self — which has myriad tricks and traps to make us think it’s a True Self. As this book is ample proof of. Even when we do get to the Mental Level, the False Self will stealthily try to pull us back down to the physical. This is “the thief in the night.”
As Doyle Melton did indicate somewhere in Love Warrior, the body doesn’t lie. Emotions are felt in the body. Pain or fatigue, etc., are thoughts/emotions run amok. That’s why it’s more fail-safe to pay attention to emotions rather than to spirit voices. That includes “excitement” and other emotions labeled “good.” A fine use of the “still small voice” for now is when it rises out of paying attention to one’s emotions, listening for the offending thought behind it…to be let go.
I advise anyone to read this book with a lot of discrimination. Pay attention to your own emotions as you read — if you have them, something is false — and don’t let the Truths contained in this book blind you to the level-confusion thinking surrounding it. Truth, however true on the Mental Level, brought down into the physical level does not work and can be only false — but sounds good to uninitiated ears. Truth co-opted by the Clone only makes It stronger and more believable, even “beautiful” to the indsicriminate.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: The True Self doesn’t “make decisions.” It’s inspired to do something or go somewhere. There’s joy and calm in this inspiration, an effortless unfolding. In a very large sense, there’s no “still small voice” component. Because your True Self is you. This entire book is really about Doyle Melton’s decision to divorce Craig or not. That question could not have come from her True Self. If it were, the marriage would dissolve without incident, naturally and organically, no emotions just calmness. Everyone, including the kids, would be all right with it. Had Doyle Melton let go her beliefs around infidelity which couldn’t have been true because they caused her so much hurt, Craig would likely be the one asking for the divorce if that were to be. Or they’d just look at each other and be in agreement. But not like at the end of a war with a Peace Treaty, which is really just an admission by both sides that they’re too depleted and tired by the struggle to continue the nonsense.
Love Warrior chronicles a tempest in a teapot. There’s an ilk of writer who must believe excitement and turmoil fuel creativity. Therefore, she periodically blows up her own life to mine for new material…leaving avowed loved ones in the wake of destruction this belief causes.